Miranda Kerr's PR team is pissed. So is Victoria's Secret. Because apparently their big secret is out - wait for it - Miranda Kerr is stoopid (spelt that way on purpose for all you spelling-bee champs out there, and no, you cannot have it in a sentence please).
So what the hell happened you ask? Well, not only did 2 writers produce a scathing attack on the world's most organic yummy mummy in New York Magazine, but it's starting to spread like wildfire across fashion writers everywhere. Read the original NYMAG piece here.
Even our own Aussie writers are getting in on the action with The Vine's own Alyx Gorman conjuring up some words, although Alyx - being one of the best fashion writers in town - seems to effortlessly produce a piece that not only outshines the original attack, it also explains in depth everyone's motivation. She ends it with a hint of hope that everyone is wrong about Kerr and that our smokin' hot homegirl will eventually bring it home and prove to everyone she ain't so stoopid (just a little bit of a hypocrite, to prove she's human). We like your work Gorman. We like it a lot. Read it here.
If you can't be arsed reading either article I'll put it in a nutshell for you. Or an organic pistachio shell, if you will. Basically everyone is calling Miranda stupid. Forest Gump stoopid. Stoopid-is-as-stoopid-does kinda stoopid. They are saying that through her organic, hippy-themed life, one-liners such as “Because a rose can never be a sunflower, and a sunflower can never be a rose” are as deep as her thoughts can go. * On a sidenote we'd like to put forward to Miranda that we would like to be not a sunflower nor a rose, but a tulip. In our non-organic (tequila based) world, tulips can morph into roses AND sunflowers. Then they can eat all their seedling babies, becoming a super-tulip that can blow up shit and go Kerr-bloooey!!!!!
Ahem … where was I...
In all honestly, we like Miranda Kerr. Hell we LOVE Miranda Kerr. No, we have not met her. But we'd like to.
We imagine sitting on her bed brushing each other's hair. We would fall asleep, then wake to see her get up at 5am to complete her 4-hour yoga set followed by some organic skin brushing dance moves which, like, totally makes her feel wholesome and shit. We then assume that Miranda follows it up by chanting some positive words about herself into a bowl of organically distilled water, which vibrates her emotions to the surface and turns them into actions, thus saving the entire planet.
Okay, okay not the entire planet ... maybe just a slew of ugly duckling teenagers.
You know what? We're proud of the girl. Sure, she's not solving world peace but she's never claimed anything of the sort. She knows she's hot. She knows girls want to be her and she knows girls will listen to her. So of course she's going to throw out healthy vibes and healthy feel-good comments, even if they are blatantly lame and stupid and almost painful to hear. What would these guys prefer she say to them and the young girls of the world? "You're all a bunch of chavs and none of you will ever look or feel as good as me, Miranda F***king Kerr?"
Actually, we'd pay good money to hear her say that.
I know the articles that attack Miranda focus on her real personality and what she is really like, but in all honestly who cares? The majority of us will never meet this seemingly perfect girl and get to know what she is really like. To most of us, she will forever stay this perfect lotus flower. That is the way people want it. And that's okay.
So stop tearing the girl down, because our bet is that she can and will put up a fight. So will the behemoth that is Victoria Secret. Imagine, Miranda Kerr and all the VS girls throwing underwear at the world screaming "stooopppp callinnggg usss stttoooppiiiddd."
We'd pay good money to see that too.
Peace + love to all you cool kids.
xxx The TT Crew
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